Post by snake on Nov 12, 2005 12:31:17 GMT 6
The following quotations are taken from official court records across America, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
* Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
* Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
* Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
* Witness: "Oral."
* Lawyer: "How old are you?"
* Witness: "Oral."
* Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
* Witness: "She is my daughter."
* Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"
* Lawyer: "Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"
* Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"
* Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
* Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
* Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
* Lawyer: "Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?"
* Witness: "He didn't offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture."
* Lawyer: "So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?"
* Witness: "I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital."
* Lawyer: "It was covered?"
* Witness: "Yes, bandaged."
* Lawyer: "Then, later on...what did you see?"
* Witness: "I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head."
* Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
* Witness: "I could see his head."
* Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
* Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
* Lawyer: "Do you drink when you're on duty?"
* Witness: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."
* Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
* Witness: "The victim lived."
* Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."
* Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."
* Lawyer: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?"
* Witness: "Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words."
* Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
* Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
* Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
* Witness: "Oral."
* Lawyer: "How old are you?"
* Witness: "Oral."
* Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
* Witness: "She is my daughter."
* Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"
* Lawyer: "Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"
* Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"
* Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
* Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
* Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
* Lawyer: "Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?"
* Witness: "He didn't offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture."
* Lawyer: "So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?"
* Witness: "I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital."
* Lawyer: "It was covered?"
* Witness: "Yes, bandaged."
* Lawyer: "Then, later on...what did you see?"
* Witness: "I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head."
* Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
* Witness: "I could see his head."
* Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
* Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
* Lawyer: "Do you drink when you're on duty?"
* Witness: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."
* Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
* Witness: "The victim lived."
* Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."
* Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."
* Lawyer: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?"
* Witness: "Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words."
